There's No Hope For Us
by XmidnightloverX
Summary: "I'm not the one with a hero complex," Draco retorted. "Look, as much as I hate you, you saved her life." After Harry stops Pansy's suicide attempt, he finds himself intrigued by the Slytherins. HP/DM Slash. Dark themes. Rating may go up.
1. Prologue

**Warning! **This story contains: Slash, bad language, self harm, suicide, eating disorders, drug abuse, and child abuse. The rating will probably go up. Trigger warning.

**Disclaimer: **The Harry Potter characters and universe do not belong to me. This story is for amusement.

* * *

**Prologue**

_True friendship is like sound health; the value of it is seldom known until it be lost  
__-Charles Caleb Colton_

He first meet her when he was five years old, finally reaching the age where he didn't have to remain in the nursery during his parents' social gatherings. When his father told he could attend, as long as he behaved himself, he had been practically shaking with anticipation. However during the event he felt less than enthusiastic, growing bored with the adults idle chatter quickly. A few women stopped to coo at him and pinch his cheeks with their sharp nails, but most of the grownups ignored his existence.

He caught her in the kitchen sitting on the floor with his house-elves. They were sitting on a blanket, plates with assorted food scattered around them as she poured each elf a cup of tea, shocking them with her consideration. Giggling, she showed them how to clank their cups together in a toast. After a few moments, she must have sensed another presence in the room because she turned around warily.

"Please don't tell my mother," were the first words out of her mouth.

Draco frowned, he hadn't planned too, he didn't even know who this strange girl even if he wanted to tattle. Yet she was acting very odd, showing kindness to the creatures that his parents often shouted at. He bit his lip. "I don't think your supposed to be doing that."

The girl scowled. "I'm not allowed to have tea?"

Draco blinked. "No but-"

"Am I supposed to ask the elves to provide me with whatever food I want?"

"Yes but-"

"Then I don't see how I'm doing anything wrong," she pursued her lips as she looked at him. She made Draco feel uncomfortable, as if she was inspecting him. Finally she said, "You may sit down."

He sat, looking at this girl with bewilderment. He opened his mouth, but was unsure what to say.

Luckily the girl spoke instead. "My mother doesn't like me talking to the elves, but what was I 'possed to do? There are all these grownups out there talking about stuffy grownup things and nobody to have tea with me." She frowned. "Except you. What is your name?"

"Draco Malfoy," he said quietly.

"I'm Pansy Parkinson and we're going to be best friends."

"What?" Draco blinked.

"Would you like some tea?"

* * *

He was thirteen the first time anyone saw him cry.

Goyle, being the stupid oalf he was, informed Pansy that Draco had locked himself in the boys' dormitory and wouldn't come out. The other boys in his year understood when Draco locked the door, he didn't want to be disturbed and rather deal with an angry Malfoy they let him be, as long as the door was unlocked when they were ready for bed.

Pansy didn't understand this.

'_Alohomora!" S_he shouted. Draco didn't move, knowing the charm he cast wouldn't be counteracted by that simple spell. He wondered if he should get up just to avoid the temper tantrum he knew she was preparing to throw. A moment later, "Draco Malfoy you insufferable twat! Open the door this instant-"

He whipped the door open and glared at the girl before him. She had her hands on her hips, ready to start shouting at him but paused once she looked at him. She pushed him inside and slammed the door behind her. "Draco," she said resting a hand on his non-injured arm. "What's wrong?"

He thought he would have more resolve when confronted by someone but it took one look before he burst into tears, collapsing into the bed and shoving his face into a pillow. He didn't look up when Pansy placed a comforting hand on his shoulder. His sobs raked through his entire body and he felt like he would suffocate if he didn't lift his head but he knew he had too much pride than to let her see his tears.

"You need to talk to me," She sounded frustrated, but Draco didn't lift his head. Somewhere in the back of his mind he was grateful she was putting up with him. "I can't help you if I don't know what's wrong."

He didn't even bother to wipe his face once he pushed himself up onto his elbows. He gazed at her for a moment before sighing. "He hates me."

* * *

He was fourteen when she tried to convince him.

"If you would just-"

Draco scoffed. "Just what, asked him casually if he was gay? 'Hey I know we don't talk and I've tormented you the last three years but do you fancy blokes because I've had a massive crush on you ever since we were eleven?'"

Pansy slapped his arm. "You never know."

* * *

He was fifteen when he noticed she wasn't eating.

"I won't be surprised when you get a T in Charms," she snapped angrily at Blaise during breakfast in the Great Hall.

Blaise rolled his eyes. "Just because I didn't turn in one assignment-"

"Two after today," she interjected.

"Fine _two _assignments-"

He was interrupted again by her shrill voice. "And I suppose you'll want me to tutor you before your exams."

He blinked at her. "Yeah, actually, that'd be great."

She groaned, "Boys."

Crabbe, who was sitting across the table from her, looked affronted. "Why didn't you offer to tutor me, Pansy?"

"Because the likelihood of you receiving anything besides a T on your exams is slim ," she smirked, glancing at Draco to see if he was sharing a similar expression.

Instead of smirking at their shared friend's stupidity, the blond was staring across the room, his surroundings a blur to him. She sighed, knowing without checking who he was staring at. Her heart clenched a that, knowing her best friend was pinning after someone unattainable and had been for almost five years.

She pinched him. "Stop daydreaming," she ordered briskly.

"Stop nagging," he countered.

Blaise chuckled. "You two fight like an elderly couple."

"We do not," Pansy huffed. "As if I would date that arsehole."

Draco rolled his eyes. "Love you too, darling."

She scowled, causing her delicate features to scrunch unattractively. Draco fought the urge to roll his eyes again. If she only didn't scowl as much as she did, people would see the beauty in her face. However, if anyone did have interest in Pansy he might hex them in obligation to his friend. He knew what was on the minds of boys their age.

"Are you done yet?" she asked Draco impatiently. "It looks bad if the prefects arrive late to class."

"We still have time," he said, irritated.

His eyes flickered to Pansy's plate and was surprised at what he saw. Her plate was loaded up, but she hadn't made an attempt to eat anything. He watched her warily as she took a few dainty sips of her pumpkin juice. It was unlike Pansy _not_ to eat. Over the holiday she would tire the house elves endlessly with her requests for food.

Maybe she was feeling ill? Yet as Draco watched further, he saw her laugh and mock her friends as she normally would. She was looking a bit paler than usually but it could be because winter was approaching.

He felt a frown begin to form on his face. Pansy was addicted to sweets, especially licorice wands, and it was odd to see her go a week without one. In their first year, the older children didn't bother to learn her name and refereed to her as 'the girl with the licorice.'

He couldn't remember the last time he saw her eat one.

For the next few weeks he watched her intensly at meals. Sometimes she would have a nibble of bread, but most days she pushed food around her plate without taking a bite. One day, after noticing her increased paleness and dark circles under her eyes he decided he had enough.

"We're leaving," he said standing up and pulling Pansy up by her hands. She snatched her hands back, looking as if she wanted to slap him. He took a step back, knowing she wouldn't be above physically assaulting him, if he angered her. He had to figure out a way to say this delicately.

It took a bit of bickering, but he finally got her to leave with him. As they left the Great Hall, Draco continued walking feeling almost afraid too look her in the eyes. After a few minutes, he build up his nonexistent courage and said, "You're not eating."

She blanched. "What are you...I eat!"

He stopped walking. "No, Pansy you don't. You haven't eaten in weeks."

Her hands begun to shake. "You're wrong, you're completely wrong. You've misunderstood-"

"Pansy!" He shouted, causing everyone in the corridor to look at them. Scowling, he lowered his voice considerably. "You will die if you don't eat soon. Your body is already malnourished. Soon your hair and fingernails will begin to fall out, your menstruation will stop, your organs will begin to shut down. _You will die."_

He was gripping her shoulders and on the verge of shaking her. Pansy's gaze was everywhere but him and she finally whispered. "I can't. I just can't."

"If you don't start eating, I'll be forced to tell someone," He said softly, wiping the stray tears that falling down her cheeks. "Please Pans, just try. Try for me."

She nodded, and Draco felt a smile tugging on his lips. She pulled away from him, glancing around to see if anyone saw her display any humanity. "I have to...I have Divination."

"Just remember what I said," he said before they parted ways.

Pansy bit her lip to stop a sob from coming out. She knew he wouldn't hear her when she said. "It's too late."

* * *

He was eighteen when she attempted suicide.

He was in the Common Room reading a book he had little interest for when Blaise burst through the entrance. Draco glanced up casually, as if he didn't have a care in the world. Ever since the war ended people gave little respect to him or his family. This only heightened Draco's arrogance.

"It's Pansy," Blaise breathed. "She's..."

"What?" Draco's heart was thundering in his chest.

Blaise swallowed audibly. "Potter, found her on the Astronomy Tower. Her wrists were- Christ. She was covered in fucking blood-"

"What happened?" Draco shouted, his book laying forgotten on the floor. He was a second away from gripping Blaise by the throat and demanding an answer, or better yet casting a quick _Legimens_.

"She tried to kill herself."


	2. We All Fall Down

**Chapter One: We All Fall Down**

"You can't be here," Madam Pomfrey said tensely as she bustled around the room. Harry wasn't sure why, as Pomfrey had already healed the cuts on Pansy's wrists and put her into medically induced sleep to calm her hysterics. Pomfrey surprisingly hadn't minded Harry sitting next to Pansy for the few hours before morning.

"But I'm the one who found her!" Harry exclaimed.

The older women sent him a grateful look but merely said, "Exactly why you need to go. McGonagall wants to speak with you."

Harry wanted to fight with her but didn't think he had the grounds to. He wasn't particularly close to Parkinson but every time he blinked her still, bloody body flashed through his mind and Harry didn't think he could leave her side.

He supposed seeing McGonagall was more important. He stood up, saying a simple farewell to Pomfrey before making his way to the Headmistress's Office. As he excited, he noticed a huddle of Slytherin's by the entrance; Malfoy, Zabini and Nott. Malfoy's head snapped up when he walked past them, but it was Nott who spoke.

"Is Pomfrey accepting visitors?"

Harry jumped back, startled. "Erm, no. Well, she kicked me out. I don't know if..." He trailed off but they seemed to get the message.

"Thanks," the boy said quietly, frowning as he did so as if the word felt foreign in his mouth. Harry simply nodded as a reply and continued on his way without another look in their direction.

* * *

"You wanted to see me," Harry said awkwardly from outside the office.

"Mr. Potter," a strange women said, smiling tightly. She had dark hair held back in a tight bun, and far too much makeup to looking pleasing to the eye. She had a pinched face, as if she spent most of her day frowning."It's an honor to meet you. I'm Lucinda Baxley from Department of Security."

"Nice to meet you," Harry said as he shook her hand. "Is this about Parkinson?"

She smiled at him reassuringly before taking a seat at the desk and gesturing Harry to do so. He did, fidgeting uncomfortably in his seat. "Not to be rude, but why am I here? I already gave my memory of last night."

"Of course." Baxley flipped through some papers, her eyes narrowing at what she read. "I only have a few more questions. How will did you know Ms. Parkinson?"

"Not well," Harry admitted. "She's a Slytherin and I'm a Gryffindor -so we have the rivalry. I haven't really had a conversation with her. Except-"

Baxley leaned forward, anticipation in her eyes. "Yes?"

Harry narrowed his eyes. "After the Battle of Hogwarts last year, she came up to me...Lot's of people had it wasn't very significant. All she said was thank you."

Baxley slumped back in her seat obviously disappointed. "So last night, did you speak with Ms. Parkinson? Maybe heard her say something strange?"

Harry shook his head. "No we don't talk. Look, I don't really think I'm the one to ask these questions. Maybe talk to Draco Malfoy-"

Baxley's face darkened. "Malfoy's interrogation isn't scheduled until later. For now we wanted to talk someone who has more honest morals-"

"Honest?" Harry blinked. "Honestly, I think Malfoy will be more concerned about Parkinson than me. Even if I have more...um...honest morals than him. He wouldn't _lie _about anything, you ask. I mean they've been dating-"_  
_

"So you do have information about her. How long has she been in a relationship with Draco Malfoy?"

Harry stared at her, oddly reminded of Rita Skeeter for a moment. "I don't know, fourth year maybe? They were always together but they...They didn't act like a couple...I don't even know if they were." Harry frowned. "They definitely weren't sixth year. He was too busy."

The women shuffled some papers on her desk, glaring down angrily. "Yes, I suppose he was, wasn't he?" After a few tense moments she sighed and set her papers aside, looking Harry in the eye for the first time since he came down. "Have you noticed anything odd with Parkison or her group of friends recently? Perhaps a suspicious object or questionable spells-"

"Hold on," Harry said, gaping. "You think this has something to do with Dark Magic? Your making accusations before a Healer has fully examined her?"

Baxley tilted her head, confused. "Accidental exposure to Dark Magic can have a variety of negative side effects; such as suicidal tendencies. Now considering her history-"

_"_Her history? She hasn't got a history! She was here during the war, she even fought on our side during the Battle."

"Countless of people during my interrogations have agreed that Ms. Parkinson is associated with several Death Eaters. This puts her in the perfect position to suffer the backlash of a Dark spell-"

"Yeah," Harry interrupted. "Because people who came an inch away from being shipped to Azkaban would definitely be messing with Dark Magic at Hogwarts of all places."

"Why is it," Baxley asked suspiciously. "You feel the need to defend them?"

Harry stared at his hands, which had begun to tremble. Ever sense the war ended Harry had noticed his hands held a slight tremor to them. He wasn't sure if this would be permanent or if it was only because the war was still plaguing him. "I'm not defending them; I'm just trying to think logically. It isn't right to come up with dark theories until we hear back from a Healer. Maybe she's just going through a hard time right now."

Baxley held his gaze for a moment, causing Harry's skin to prickle the way it always had when Snape stared at him. "Maybe," she said finally. "Maybe she just has silly teen drama."

_Or maybe the war was still affecting people, _Harry thought staring at his hands. "Any more questions?"

"No, you may leave. It was a pleasure speaking with you, Mr. Potter. Quite a pleasure..."

* * *

"Christ," Ron said, spraying Harry with toast at breakfast later that morning. "This happened in less than twenty four hours? No wonder you look like shite."

"Thanks, Ron," Harry muttered before chugging the rest of his coffee managing to only cringe a little at the taste. He much rather be drinking pumpkin juice, but after staying next to Pansy in the infirmary all night he needed it to keep his eyes open. He felt so sluggish it was surprising he made it to the Great Hall.

It was unnervingly silent this morning in the Great Hall. Almost all the students were speaking in hushed whispers except for a few Hufflepuffs were laughing boisterously, mentioning Pansy's name every so often before exploding into more laughter. Most of the students were staring at a group of Slytherins; Malfoy, Zabini and Nott. The space next to Malfoy was empty.

"The nerve," Hermione said, glaring at the laughing Hufflepuffs. "I'll be the first to admit I never liked Pansy...But to openly laugh at her...It's horrid."

Dean shot Hermione a confused look. "So because she tried to off herself we're supposed to -what- pretend like she wasn't an evil cow who deserved it?"

"Dean!" Ginny exclaimed. "Have some tact; you sound like Ron."

Ron, who hadn't been paying attention until his little sister said his name, looked insulted. "Hey!"

"Oh shove off, we both know-"

"Guys," Harry interrupted. "Can you not do this now?"

Hermione was staring at Dean in horror. "No one," she croaked before clearing her throat. "No one, deserves that, Dean. No one deserves to have so much pain that the only solution was to kill themselves!"

Ginny chewed her lip. "'Mione, come on. It probably isn't that serious. Pansy was probably just looking from some new way to get attention from Malfoy."

"By dying," Ron said. "Smart plan, hard to ignore a death. Too bad she wouldn't be around to enjoy it."

Seamus chuckled darkly but didn't offer any input into the conversation. Neither did Neville, who was looking a little green. Dean, however, crossed his arms. "Really? After everything Parkinson has done we're just going to pretend like it's okay because she had the stupid whim to slit her wrists?"

Hermione opened her mouth, but it was Lavender who started talking. "I heard Isobel MacDougal confronted her in the corridors last week. No one knows what she did but I think it really shook Pansy up." She stuck up her nose. "Serves her right if you ask me, she's always been rather nasty to everyone."

Luna spoke up, surprising Harry because he didn't realize she was sitting at the Gryffindor table. "Most of the Slytherins seem to be on the receiving ends of hexes lately. Strange, almost as if our roles have reversed, hm?" She glanced at Dean. "I don't agree with the way you are talking. In suggesting someone deserves the pain they gave us, we loose what separates us from them. We loose the light inside of us."

Dean looked like he wanted to argue against that but instead he only shook his head. He had grown very fond of Luna ever sense they were imprisoned together. However, sometimes there personalities were at odds with each other. Finally he settled with just murmuring, "If the Slytherins are angry with the way they're being treated they never should have came back."

"Most of them didn't have a choice about that," Hermione interjected. "And not all the Slytherins are Death Eaters. Most of the ones who ever came remotely close to being one were sent away."

"Except for Malfoy," Seamus muttered.

"He was under the Imperious Curse for most of the time-"

"Most," Seamus grumbled. "But not all."

Harry sighed deeply. "Can we please change the subject?"

"Gladly."

* * *

"They're not seriously expecting us to come to class," Theo said glancing at the Staff Table. "Are they?"

Blaise blew out a breath. "Probably. We're held up to higher standards than the rest."

Theo slammed a fist down. "There's no way in Hell-"

Blaise slapped the back of his head, before gripping the other boy's arm. "Calm down," he instructed, watching the white rage in the other boy's eyes. A witty remark about Theo's temper was dancing on the edge of Draco's tongue but he smartly held it back. Instead, Draco raised an eyebrow at Blaise's antics. Usually the best way to calm Theo down was to allow him to have his hissy fit.

"Everyone is staring," Blaise hissed under his breath, once Theo's breathing resembled a more sane person's.

"And I care?" Theo asked aggressively.

"You should," Draco stated. "If you want to avoid rumors spreading that you're an undercover Death Eater-"

"I'm not a sodding Death Eater!" Theo screamed.

"Or rumors stating you're mental." Draco said to a now almost silent Great Hall. Somehow, almost every student had maneuvered themselves to stare at the small group of Slytherins. He sighed and rubbed his temples, trying to fight the urge to run out.

"A bit to late for that," Blaise said with mock cheer.

Theo opened his mouth but didn't have the chance to respond as McGonagal had stood up. The Great Hall hushed as she approached the podium. Draco fought the smirk her felt on his face when a few Gryffindors groaned causing her to send a sharp look their way. "Attention!" She called clearly, her voice projecting into every corner of the room.

"As some of you may know, there was an urgent crisis as of last night. The details of what happened is not of any importance. What you need to know is a Ministry worker from the Department of Security is here to investigate the case. "

Murmurings broke out in the Great Hall, and Draco wondered if he was paranoid or if most people were sending him hateful looks. "Silence!" She called again.

"As a recommendation from St. Mungo's and in light of recent events, Hogwarts is pleased to welcome a new member to the staff Psychiatric Healer Charles Preston."

A man previously sitting next to Madam Pomfrey stood up, smiling charmingly at the audience. The girls around him immediately broke into giggles about the man's appearance. Draco had to admit he was good looking. "Anyone who participated in the Second Battle of Hogwarts is required to have at least one appointment with him in the next two weeks. Any student is allowed to set an appointment with him if they feel it necessary but we heavily recommend going to the hospital wing if there is any emergency."

Theo and Blaise stiffened in front of him, and Draco bite the inside of his cheek to stop himself from thinking about Pansy.

"Wait a minute," Theo said as if something was suddenly dawning on him. "I'm not talking to some ruddy Healer about my feelings. "

Blaise sighed. "Theo-"

"Don't Theo me," the other boy shouted.

"Look," Blaise said, obviously growing tired of playing nice. "It's not like you have a choice. You might as well make the most of it. Maybe he can help you with your anger problem-"

"_I DON'T HAVE A FUCKING ANGER PROBLEM!"_

In one sweeping motion, Theo stood up and knocked every dish in an arm's length to him off the table and stomped out of the Great Hall, unaware of the eye's of every student on him. Draco chuckled at Blaise's glare.

"Well, you set yourself up for that one, mate."

* * *

"Hello, Theodore," Madam Pomfrey said as Theo walked into the infirmary. He slammed the door behind him, but if it bothered Pomfrey she didn't say anything. "How are you today, dearie?"

"Horrible," he answered bluntly, taking a seat next to Pansy's bed where the girl slept peacefully. He brushed a strand off hair of the sleeping girl, his actions surprisingly gentle considering his brooding expression.

Pomfrey chuckled lightly. "Yes, I saw your little debacle in the Great Hall this morning."

Theo laughed bitterly. "Yeah, I suppose that was hard to miss." He cast a heavy glance at Pansy. "When is she going to wake up?"

"There's no definite answer. The potion I gave her is meant to keep her in a steady state until her manic mood has passed, but there's no time stamp on how long it could last. It could be hours or days."

"That's not the answer I was hoping for," the boy grumbled.

There was a silence in the room for a bit, it wasn't uncomfortable. Theo stared out the window in a state of melancholy and Pomfrey bumbled about the room -preparing it for Healer Preston's soon arrival. After a few moments, she retired to her office where she settled down to do some paperwork, however a thought struck her before she could start it.

"Shouldn't you be in class, Theo?" She asked, raising her voice so he could hear her.

She could almost hear the sardonic grin in his voice. "Yes, but I have more important things to attend to."

With anyone else, she would have sent them back to class in a heartbeat, but Theo had always been different than the other children. Instead, she returned to her paperwork.

* * *

"Nina Bensily and Carter Hoover have been expelled," Hermione whispered at the beginning of Potion's.

Harry dropped his quill. "What? Why?"

"They were caught with opiumsolanaceae."

"No way." Ron nearly fell out of his chair. "That stuffs illegal, they'll be at a Trial by tonight."

"What's this opium-whatever-ceae?" Harry asked, puzzled.

"It's a drug," Hermione said, her lips in a stern line, showing how she felt on this subject. "Most people refer to it as OPC. It's extremely illegal and can get you a five year sentence in Azkaban just for possession. It used to be very popular in the 70's before the Ministry passed stricter laws on it. It has heavy hallucinogenic properties-"

"The high is supposed to be wicked," Ron interrupted. "A thousand times better than firewhisky-"

"Highly addictive-"

"Best experience of your life-"

"Horrible side effects-"

"Changes your life-"

"Not worth it."

"Definitely not worth it." Ron agreed, although he looked a bit glum from the fact.

* * *

"Nina Besily and Carter Hoover have been expelled," Blaise whispered at the beginning of Potion's.

Draco rolled his eyes. "Good, they were bloody idiots. What happened? Were they caught shagging on McGonagall's desk?"

"They got caught with OPC," Blaise whispered lower than before, eyeing the people around him warily.

Draco froze. "Are you positive?"

The other boy nodded sharply, moving closer to Draco to prevent their conversation from being eavesdropped. When he spoke it was almost directly in Draco's ear and Draco nearly shoved him with irritation. "Hoover's sister was in tears when I was walking to class. She was blubbering all over her boyfriend saying all sorts of crazy shit."

Draco took a steadying breath. "Blaise."

"It's not that big of a deal though, yeah? I mean we haven't done it in ages."

"Blaise."

"And it's not like they would connect the stupid Hufflepuffs to us anyway."

"Blaise."

"I mean it's been so long, I don't even remember the last time we did it. No, wait, yeah I do. Theo nearly got us arrested that night, the fucking wanker."

_"Blaise."_

Said boy blinked. "Yes?"

"Where the fuck is Theo?"

* * *

Once Potion's ended, Draco gathered his stuff and nearly ran out of the room. Theo was probably with Pansy in the hospital wing and if he wasn't-

Draco really didn't want to consider that possibility.

He was in such a rush he ran into someone, knocking them down and scattering their books around them. Mutturing a curse under his breath he got on his knees and started gathering his books, ignoring the apology of whoever he had collided with.

"I'm really sorry," he said.

Draco glanced up, "I honestly don't give a flying fuck-" He broke off when he was. Harry stared at him with wide eyes, probably wondering if Draco had lost his mind. It probably wasn't that hasty of a conclusion considering Draco's hands were shaking and his eyes darting around rapidly as if he expecting the authorities or -even worse- a raging Theo turning from any corner.

He must have looked terrible, because Harry stared at him for a moment before saying. "Alright there, Malfoy?"

He hadn't been expecting that. "What -I...Of course...I just need...Theo. I need Theo."

"Oh," Harry said. "Nott's up in the hospital wing last time I saw him. I think he's visiting Pansy."

And then he smiled at him, as if he had just enlightened Draco's life with that information. As if they weren't enemies and he was simply helping a friend and that send a burst of pain in his chest.

Draco _hated _that smile. He hated the way it lite up the other's boy's face. He absolutely hated the fact that Harry didn't know how hard he made Draco's heart pound when he smiled at him like that. He hated how Harry would never know that was why Draco was so cold to the other boy, to stop the fucking butterflies that invaded his heart every time Potter turned out to be a decent human being.

Draco nodded his gratitude and turned away because he needed to just get away from stupid fucking Potter and his stupid fucking smiles.

But Potter never seemed to follow any plans Draco had. He grapped Draco's arm, and set a comforting hand on his shoulder. "I know we're not friends but," he begun and Draco's heart jumped into his throat. "I just wanted to tell you that everything with Pansy will work out. After the war, I learned how hard it is to be alone, so I...I just figured I let you know that, it get's better."

"Sod off, Potter," he managed to say to the surprised boy. "Don't act high and mighty around me. You don't have an inkling on how I feel and don't pretend like you can empathize with me just to show me how much being the Boy-Who-Lived _matured you into a deeper person. _I honestly don't give a flying fuck."

And then he was off to find Theo.


	3. Walking Travesty

**Chapter Two: Walking Travesty **

Wizards are very prideful creatures.

One thing they pride themselves the most in was acceptance. This was one of the real things that separated them from the Muggles. Muggles didn't have something like magic that reminded them constantly how they were connected, so one could suppose it isn't that surprising how often they fight. However they fought over the strangest things, things that hadn't ever been an issue in the Wizarding World; religion, race, gender, sexuality.

The race issues were especially odd. How could the color or ethnicity of someone matter in the grand scheme of things? Or their gender? Or religion? Or their sexuality?

However there were some wizarding families who were extremely picky about who their children married. Not even the Blacks who prided themselves on their clean bloodline were as erratic as these families. The Blacks couldn't care less what gender you married, as long as you created a child with it and it was of pure-blood descent. (The Blacks were also very pro-incest, pairing first cousins off before they even reached fifteen.) These picky families called themselves Extreme Purists, but they were very rare.

The Malfoys were Extreme Purists. The Malfoys were also known for killing off their daughters so they could always have a male heir, and never to have more than one child so they don't have to divide the fortune.

Draco Malfoy got his first crush when he was eight years old.

He could still remember asking Lucius why he would kiss Narcissa's lips, and his father explaining that was what a _man _did with a _women _when they were in love.

Draco very much wanted to kiss his _male _friend on the lips later that week in the playroom, but he knew not too. His father had been very clear that two boys were not supposed to have feelings towards each other. At eight years old, he decided this whole kissing thing was much too confusing and it didn't look that enjoyable anyways. From far away it sometimes looked like his father was eating his mother's face. How could that be enjoyable?

Draco is thinking of this as he bursts through the infirmary doors, praying Theo was still in there.

Said boy looked up from his book, a teasing smile on his lips. "Always one for theatrics, eh Draco?"

"You should show a little more respect, " Draco said through his teeth. "Considering what I went through to save your arse."

Theo lifted a single eyebrow. "Is this your dramatic way of saying you got my missing assignments for me? Because I appreciate it but-"

"Nina Besily and Carter Hoover have been expelled and taken by authorities for possession of OPC, is that dramatic enough for you?" If it were anyone else Draco was dealing with, he would have smirked but Theo didn't usually take well to that.

The boy already looked like he was about to have heart attack. "What?"

"Calm down," Draco said, mildly concerned. "I went to the dormitories before coming here and took care of your problem. Blaise and I have told you plenty of times not to bring that stuff into Hogwarts; will you listen to us now?"

Theo was no longer listening. Once it had been clear he wasn't getting arrested, he turned back to the book he was studying before Draco's distracting arrival.

Draco settled into the chair next to him, watching the other boy with curiosity. "Are you actually doing your coursework?" He asked, his tone full of disbelief.

Theo glared at him. "Sod off, Malfoy. I do my work."

Draco snorted but knew better to push it. His gaze flickered to Pansy, who was in a deep slumber on the cot besides them. He realized Theo probably needed to do work to distract himself.

He turned his head to observe Theo again. The other boy was deeply absorbed in his book, that in its self was an impossible fate, and Draco took this opportunity to watch him. Theo could be good-looking when he wasn't quietly seething. He was actually quite attractive, Draco noted dryly.

Not that Draco would ever try anything. Theo was very much straight and one of his best mates. It wouldn't be right. And Draco was frighteningly aware that he couldn't think of any boy without Potter invading his thoughts soon after.

However, Theo had been Draco's first crush. Almost ten years ago.

"How's Pansy doing?" Draco asked.

Theo scowled. "How should I know? I'm not the bloody Healer."

Draco waited patiently.

With an audible sigh, Theo said. "She's in a magically induced coma until her manic mood passes. Pomfrey says there's no way of knowing when she'll wake up. The time frame's somewhere between hours and days. " His scowl deepened. "Although at this rate it looks more like weeks."

Draco pursed his lips, and examined Theo closer. The boy had dark circles underneath his eyes and looked weak. Draco hadn't seen him at lunch, which meant if the boy didn't come to the Great Hall soon he wouldn't have eaten in twelve hours.

"Theo," Draco said carefully. "Let's go eat."

Theo shot him a conflicted look.

"She's not going anywhere," Draco promised.

Theo shook his head slowly. "No, I...I'm not hungry."

Draco stared at him. "Are you sure?"

"Positive. I'll see you later, Draco."

* * *

"How are you today?" Healer Preston asked Theo from behind his desk in his office. His office was directly across from Madam Pomfrey's but where her's was crowded with knickknacks and pictures of loved ones, Preston's office was bare, which unnerved Theo.

Theo sneered at him. "I'm fucking fantastic. My free period is being wasted by a fucking therapy appointment."

"I can understand how that can be upsetting for you," Preston nodded. "Speaking of upsetting, has there been anything that's been troubling you lately?"

"Nope."

"Nothing at all?" Preston asked, his eyes staying on Theo as he scrawled something on his parchment. It made Theo uncomfortable when he noticed how easily that came for Preston. His fingers twitched with the urge to ripe the quill away.

"Nope."

"Let's talk about your classes."

"What about them? They're boring and a lot of work."

Preston raised an eyebrow. "Is that a problem?"

"I don't like work."

"Alright, then let's talk about your friends."

"Don't have any."

"Really?" Preston's eyes lite up. "What about Ms. Parkinson?"

Theo's gaze hardened. "What about her?" He asked gruffly.

Preston had the_ audacity_ to shrug. "I've heard you've been to see her. Do you consider her your friend?"

Slowly, Theo nodded. "Yes, I consider her a friend."

"And your step-brother? You spend much of your time with him."

Theo sighed loudly, as if speaking was an exhausting act. "Yeah, Blaise is my friend. Draco Malfoy is as well."

"And things are well with them?" Preston asked, leaning forward in his desk, as if preparing for Theo to prattle on about the Slytherins' drama.

"Yep."

Preston made a sound, somewhere between a harrumph and a sigh, and Theo's blood began to boil. This entire appointment was pointless. He had important things to attend to. He didn't want to waste his free time spilling out nonexistent feelings to a shrink. He needed to be with Pansy._  
_

"Let's talk about your family."

"Let's not."

"Your mother passed away when you were nine, is that correct?" Preston asked, reading off a file on his desk. Theo's heart hammered his chest, pounding so hard he thought it would break out of his body. He almost chewed off his lip while he loudly thought to himself, _don't think about it. For the love of Merlin, don't think about it. _

"Yes," he spoke more quietly this time, trying settle his nerves. Preston seemed have notice change in tone because he looked up sharply.

"You were home with her when the attack happened-"

"I don't want to talk about it."

Preston pursed his lips, but nodded tightly. "That's fine."

Theo let out a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and stared at the chair next to him. He wondered how hard it would have to hit the ground before it smashed into tiny shards. He almost stood up to smash it against the ground when Preston spoke again.

"Then your father remarried Mrs. Zabini when you were twelve. How was that? A difficult adjustment?"

Theo shrugged. "I guess. She's always nice to me. She took care of me when my father bailed."

"Ah yes, your father gave custody to Mrs. Zabini after their divorce while your father-"

"He left me with her while he was off being Voldemort's bitch."

Biting his lip again, he looked away from Preston's searching eyes, he was fighting the urge to smile cruelly at those words before he took a shaky breath. Thinking about his father was never a good thing to do. It lead to other, nastier thoughts. Thoughts that sent him into blind fury.

"How are you feeling, Theo?"

The boy blinked at him. "I don't have feelings."

Preston raised an eyebrow, but didn't further the conversation. Instead, he jotted something down on his parchment before setting all his papers aside. With a serious expression on his face he said, "You know this only helps if you're honest with me?"

"Honest," Theo huffed. "Fine, you want honesty? I'm angry. No, I'm past being angry. I'm bloody furious."

"Care to explain why?"

"I'm angry because the most amazing fucking girl just tried to fucking kill herself. And all I can fucking hear when I walk through the fucking corridors are these _worthless_ arseholes laughing and cheering...That's how it always fucking is for us. It doesn't matter if we've never supported fucking Voldemort or some of our families aren't even fucking Dark families. We get nothing but shit from everyone around us.

It was like this before the fucking war, before Voldemort made his grand entrance back into our lives -we got shit from everyone else. Never mind that we're people too, or we might have fucked up lives too, like maybe the war was effecting us too, maybe we hurting, hurting more than they were...And, I just get so angry, when I think like this. But sometimes... Sometimes being angry is all I have left."

Preston stared at him a long time. By the end of his speech, Theo was shaking, his breaths coming out in heavy pants. His words weren't delivered eloquently the way Draco could have, and he cursed so many times that Pansy would have smacked him if she were around to hear it, but for the first time he felt proud of something he had said. This time he spoke about something important.

Finally Preston spoke again, eyeing Theo as if he were a ticking bomb. "I think we'll need to schedule another appointment-"

This time Theo did smash a chair to the ground.

* * *

Pansy Parkinson woke up from her coma an hour after supper got out.

She opened her eyes and her gaze drifted around the infirmary, gaining her bearings. Hesitantly, she sat up, snatching the pitcher of water that magically filled once she had awoken and poured herself a generous amount. She gulped it down fast, ignoring the gasp of shock she heard next to her when Draco looked up from his book.

Setting down her glass and wiping the moisture around her mouth, she turned her body until she faced Draco. She stared at her best friend for a few moments, a look of bemusement across her face.

And then she remembered.

The impact of the memories made her gasp. For a few petrifying moments, she couldn't distinguish between her memories and reality. Her eyes felt heavy and bloodshot, the way they had been that night, after she had sobbed for what felt like years. Her feet were like lead as she dragged her numb body up the stairs, until she reached the astronomy tower and stared down at the depths below.

Originally she was going to jump. She had stood on the ledge, the tears drying faster than they fell as the bitter wind of the night whipped at her cheeks. A moment away from stepping off, she realized a first year could cast a decent enough Hovering Charm to save her if they happened across her. In less than a second she was safely off the ledge, her back against the cold stone while she searched for he wand.

Choking on her tears she made slash on each wrist.

With another gasp, Pansy came back to reality. Draco was had her by the shoulders and was shaking her, his mouth moved but no words came out. She stared at him uncomprehendingly. He said it again, and she realized he was screaming her name. She wondered how long she was in the past.

A giggle almost escaped her lips. It didn't matter if she was seeing the past or the present.

All she could see was pain.

* * *

Preston was speaking to him but Blaise wasn't paying attention. His eyes wandered around the office, silently taking in every detail the way Slytherins were skilled at. One never knew what could become useful for later. However, his eyes always darted back to the broken chair piled haphazardly in the corner. He wondered if Theo had already came in.

He frowned, he had to stop assuming Theo was the cause of every act of destruction he came across. Other people have issues too.

With a start, Blaise realized Preston was staring at him patiently. He must have asked a question.

"Sorry," he said, flushing a bit around his collar. "I was a bit distracted; it won't happen again."

Preston smiled pleasantly and Blaise found himself beginning to calm. Mentally he snorted. Of course he was beginning to calm, it was the man's job.

"It's quite alright. Ah, yes the chair over there. I've been meaning to fix it but there are anti-magic wards in place in my office and I simply haven't got the time to drag it out of here. " He gestured to the files on his desk before continuing. "I was only saying I'm going to need to ask you some questions, just as protocol, before we can discuss anything."

Blaise nodded. "Alright."

Preston shot him a small smile, as if he found Blaise's willingness to comply refreshing. "After a traumatic experience, such as the Battle, it's common for people to have feelings of shock. These feelings should gradually go away. My job is to make sure these feelings aren't still plaguing you. After the Battle, have you had a regular occurrence of flashbacks, nightmares, or feelings of intense distress when reminded of it?"

With a frown, Blaise began to contemplate the question. He did have nightmares regularly, but he assumed that everyone else had as well. He never thought they were a bad thing, considering he shared a dorm with Draco, whose nightmares were so bad he often woke screaming.

However, the flashbacks were something he hadn't seen anyone else display and he had decided he wouldn't speak of it to anyone, hoping they would go away on their own, not wanting to admit weakness to anyone. "Yeah, I do."

Preston nodded. "Have you been experimenting with any substances, such as alcohol or drugs?"

Blaise's pulse sped up, but he quickly composed his face. "I drank a lot over the summer, who hasn't? I've never done any drugs before."

Preston stared at him a moment too long. "Alright. Have you ever felt at times like you were re-living the events of the Battle?"

Blaise answered with a curt nod.

Preston ran a hand across his face. "You seem to be experiencing symptoms of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Don't fret, almost everyone in the school has a few symptoms. It only means we'll have to schedule another meeting."

* * *

Neville hadn't been having a good day. He'd just came back from seeing that Healer, who talked too much for Neville's liking. All Physch Healers were like that though. Neville was practically an expert in Healers. He'd been to plenty in his life. Mostly in his childhood because his Gram thought he wasn't well enough adjusted, comparing how Neville behaved to how his father had behaved before him. Neville was always to shy to talk to the Healers, which lead to them talking for most of the time allotted.

Neville thought back to his time with Healer Preston.

Things hadn't really changed that much.

As Neville walked up a staircase on his way to the Gryffindor Tower, he decided that if he ever had children he wouldn't send them to a Healer for minor things like, developing his magic later than most or being soft-spoken. He would allow a child to have the freedom to be whoever they wanted, as any adult should. Something his Gran never did. She wanted him to be an exact replica of his father but Neville accepted a long time ago that he couldn't fill his shoes.

Yes, Neville was having a very bad day so it was only natural he ran into Malfoy. Literally. He hadn't been paying attention to his surroundings and he walked right into Malfoy.

Malfoy pulled out his wand with surprising speed. He shot Neville a panicked look, before he paused, seeming to recognize him. Neville froze, wishing to pull out his wand to defend himself, but unsure how Malfoy -who didn't seem in the best state- would react. Malfoy slowly lowered his wand. Neville noticed his hands trembling.

Neville wondered what it must be like to have a significant-other attempt something as awful as suicide. Many people attempted it last year, when the Carrows ruled sadistically over the school, but he had never been close with any of them. He didn't think he would have the strength to visit them, to sit next to them in the infirmary.

Maybe he should offer Malfoy some sympathy. The war was over and they were both adults. Neville wasn't offering his hand in friendship, he didn't think that could be possible after everything Malfoy had done. But he didn't deserve malice at a time like this.

Just as he opened his mouth, Malfoy sneered at him. "Longbottom." He pushed past him to the staircase, disappearing before Neville could get in another word.

Neville frowned. Things hadn't changed much at all.

* * *

"Where have you been?" Blaise asked from once Draco entered the Common Room.

Draco had to physically stop himself from rolling his eyes. "Away."

"Really?" Blaise mocked. "I hadn't noticed."

Draco observed his friend for a moment, before raising an eyebrow in Theo's direction. Theo _did _roll his eyes. "He's been like this all day, don't bother talking to him."

"Oh," Blaise said, growing more irate. "I see. Everyone's allowed to be an arsehole but Blaise. That's fine."

"I wouldn't say you're not an arsehole," Draco said, settling on the couch next to Theo who was scowling. "Only that you're more subtle about it. Usually, at least." He turned his attention back to Theo. "Any news on Pansy?"

"She's speaking with Preston- who's a massive git by the way."

"He's not horrible," Blaise said, leaning heavily on the back of his armchair. He was silent for a few moments before saying, "He scheduled another appointment for me."

"Me too," Theo said with a frown. "How much trouble do you think I'll get in if I skip it? Not much, right? Maybe I could-"

"You and I both know if you get in trouble again you will be expelled. And skipping an appointment will not go without a consequence," Blaise warned, giving his friend a stern look.

Theo scoffed but didn't say anything else. Instead he pulled out a wand and murmured a charm. Snowflakes fluttered out of the tip of his wand, causing the corner of his mouth to twitch at a hint of a smile. Blaise and Draco watched, both used to Theo's amusement with the simplest of things.

"Do you suppose Pansy will come back here -after her meeting with Preston and all?" Blaise asked, staring into the fireplace miserably.

Any trace of happiness in Theo's face vanished. He sighed, whispering the counter to his charm, watching silently as the snowflakes became nothing more than puddles on the Common Room floor. "I spoke with her briefly. She said she wanted to find Potter."

Both of the boys' eyes flickered to Draco, who was staring intently at the ceiling. Blaise looked away. "Why? I mean, I know he saved her, but what would she have to say to him?"

Theo shrugged. "Haven't the foggiest."

Draco stood up, his face expressionless. "I have to write a response to my mother. Good night."

Blaise and Theo watched as he retreated to his dormitory. After a heavy moment, Blaise sighed and massaged his temples. Why did he pick friends that had so many unresolved issues? He glared at Theo. "You know better than to bring Potter up around him."

Theo shrugged again. "He needs to get over this. It's unhealthy."

"You're really not one to give advice," Blaise said exasperated.

For the third time night, Theo shrugged. "Someone had to say it."


End file.
